5 Stages of Life After Married You Will Face

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5stagesoffamilylifeLife is very short. Life is very precious. We need to make it as meaningful possible. As a growing adult, I occasionally share experiences and opinions with the younger adults, those who are about to get married or those who are married with small children.

This year I’ll be 38. My wife too. My eldest son is 12 years old. The next one are 10 and 9. My youngest is 1.5 years old. I have been married for 13 years now but somehow It felt like everything is very fast moving. 13 years seems to be quite short, just like yesterday.

In this article, I would like to share the stages that me and my wife encountered after we got married. This sharing is not as advanced as my parents and in laws because obviously they have lived far longer than us. This sharing will be useful guide and information for newly weds couple. Or the couples younger than us.

Stage 1 – Just Married

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This is without doubt the most anticipated and desired for most couple. Getting officially united – declared husband and wife would be every ones dream. Building dreams, decorating house, understanding and loving each other is always the agenda. There are only the two of you. Nobody else. No interference. You are free and easy together. This is your honeymoon year.  You share everything. You share your food, your drink, your bed, your stories, your happiness and sadness. This, I defined as the 1st Stage.

Stage 2 – New Family Member –  Your First Baby

Within/after 1 or 2 years, or perhaps more, the wife is declared pregnant, thanks to the double strip shown on the pregnancy test, indicating the sign of progesterone hormone. Both of you will be extremely happy and look forward for your new baby, your new family member. Your parent, your in-law, are equally happy and excited. Life is getting great. You see more colours coming in. You get promoted at work. You start working harder to prepare for the new future you and your partner will be having, with the little one.

Then the time comes and the baby is born. Tears of happiness flows downwards slowly but surely from your eyes when you see your own flesh and blood baby born to this world, in your arms. You think of a good name for your baby. Once you get the perfect name, you register your baby and receive the birth certificate.

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It’s now 2+1. You, your partner and your newborn baby. There will be no more smooth sleep at night. From now on, your sleep will be intermittently interrupted. This will typically be the case for the wife. The husband will somehow try to help here and there, where he can. However, the role played by the wife as a mother will be more crucial and tougher.

This stage will continue until your baby reach 3 or 4 years old. Then you search for a good kindergarten and send your baby there to receive early pre-education. The overall journey encountered I defined as Stage 2.

Stage 3 – Children is between 3 to 7 years old

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At this stage, you continue work to maintain your family and raise your children. You send your kids to kindergarten or you leave them at nanny’s house since both of you work. There will come moments where you need to work or travel outstation due to work or extended family matters. You will have no problem. Your children is still young and you can easily allow them to be absence from kindergarten. For me, for few years, me and my wife was in this stage with our first 3 kids, simply because we have them in a space of 3 years.

Stage 4 – Children enters primary school

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Then comes the time where your eldest child enters the primary school. This is indeed a critical period. Your child will start to receive official education (regardless of you school them in a government or private school). From now on, your lifestyle will be fine tuned to your child’s. From standard 1 to standard 6, there will be activities organized in the school and your child/children will have to participate. It can sometimes be co-curricular activities or tuition classes. At this point, it is not easy for you to just simply make them absent from class when you and/or your wife need to go outstation. If you made your child/children miss few days class, then your child/children will definitely miss a lot of lessons. The only free time you have for vacation or whatever is during the school break/holiday. This is the perfect time to relax from work and allow your kids to get a break they deserved. This period of time I defined as Stage 4.

Stage 5 – Children facing important examination

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However, your life can be extra stressful when your eldest child enters standard 6. There is what we call a national standardized examination for all standard 6 pupils. Here, in my country, it is called UPSR. Having a child sitting for UPSR can sometimes be more stressful. He or she will have more extra classes, come home late, come to school on holidays, attend more tuition and much more. At this stage, we, the parents need to pay more focus on him/her, try our best to motivate and encourage him to do well in studies and so on. It’s indeed a very challenging and trying time. You spend more time, more emotion, more money for him/her.

When the first child completed the primary school, then that’s fine. But the process continues for your younger kids because they too will soon encounter standard 6 and again you need to pay more attention to them. Me and my wife are currently at this Stage 5. We hope we can do our best. If God will.

Subsequent Stage

There will be more stages after stage 5. The only think is that we have not reached those stage yet, hence I am in no liberty to share it here. We anticipate that we’ll faced the following stage:

Stage 6 – Children becoming teenagers (secondary school)

Stage 7 – Children become young adults (university life)

Stage 8 – Children become adults (have his/her own work)

Stage 9 – Children getting married

Stage 10 – Us becoming a grand parents

Fuhhh…there are really so many stages of life when we relate it to our children. There maybe more but this is the major stages that I can list out for now. Which stage are you in now?

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